Gokou Vs Tagashi
by Griever
Summary: If you like Goku, then don't read this. Actually, no one read this.


Note: Due to the diminutive influences of some of my stupider author associates, this story is  
only to be read by those who absolutely despise the Saiyajin known as Goku with all their  
heart and soul. This is purely fiction and those of you who actually like Goku must realize he  
is only a cartoon character and is NOT real. If you are upset with this fic, do NOT review,  
you big, gay, ugly losers. Just because those who enjoy Goku's antics are big, gay, mindless  
losers doesn't mean that they should review my incredibly funny story.  
  
It was a bright and sunny day in wherever Goku lives, and Goku and his feisty son Gohan  
were up at the ol' creek fishin' with their make-shift fishin' poles . . . damn, this is startin' to  
sound like an episode of the Andy Rooney Show. Then I guess Krillin is Don Knox.  
Anyhow, Krillin was there too. Suddenly, as if by magic or special effect, a huge meteor fell  
from the sky, thereby starting another hair brained adventure. Like that one with Garlic  
Junior, where Goku and Vegeta weren't there, and Piccolo, Krillin, and Gohan had to stop  
him by themselves, and he got big, and . . . wait. I'm starting to trail off. Okay, back to the  
story.  
  
"Jeez, Goku! What is it?" asked Krillin with a childish curiosity as he rushed over to the  
meteor.  
"Don't ask me, Krillin. I'm a huge idiot with no thoughts in my head who would rather eat a  
snack than bother to help his friends in battle, and when I do battle, I usually let the other  
guy power up just for fun, usually resulting in more deaths." Goku answered.  
"Yea!" encouraged Gohan.  
Suddenly, a huge and horrendous growl came from within the meteor. With a blast of  
energy, a huge, evil beast ripped forth from the meteor and landed in front of the Z  
Warriors(This name sux).  
"Oh shit! Frieza!" yelped Goku in fear as he ducked behind Gohan.  
"No Goku, that isn't Frieza," pointed out Krillin. "It's just a strange being from another planet  
here to feast on our brains and make out with our women."  
"Well, as long as it isn't Frieza."  
The figure approached them and spoke in a British accent. "Greetings, Earthlings. I am  
Tagashi, the ultimate warrior. I have come to feast on your brains and make out with your  
women."  
"See?" said Krillin smugly.  
"Run!!!" screamed Goku like a women. As a matter of fact, let's say he was wearing a dress,  
not his Gi. He is a freak, after all.  
Running for all their tiny lives were worth, the extremely stupid Goku, his annoyingly  
indecisive son Gohan, and his comedic bald friend Krillin dashed off towards the Kame  
House.  
  
As anyone who would bother to watch DragonBall Z would know, the Kame House is  
located in the middle of an ocean somewhere. But because this is a cartoon, I have the three  
Z Warriors run across the water in fear. Where Tagashi is at the present moment is unclear.  
The three warriors barged into the Kame House. Muten Roshi lay indisposed on the couch  
with some gin in his grasp. Oolong was unconscious on the floor in front of the TV, which  
was blaring loudly. Yamcha, who spent all his free time at the Kame House since he was a  
weak loser and sucked, was next to Oolong, munching on potato chips. Puar was lying on  
the coffee table behind him.  
"Hey guys, something wrong?" asked Yamcha as he finished his handful of chips.  
"Yea! The most terrible thing in the history of terrible things has occurred! I NEED TO USE  
THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Goku.  
"No, he means that a alien named Tagashi has come to feast on our brains and make out  
with our women," Krillin explained.  
"Oh." said Yamcha.  
"Also, I need to pee!" exclaimed Goku as he rushed over to the bathroom and flung open  
the door.  
"WAIT!!" warned Yamcha.  
Too late. Goku rushed into the bathroom, only to be greeted by Bulma, birth-naked in the  
shower. She screamed. He screamed. For some reason, there was a frying pan in the  
bathroom, so Bulma whacked Goku with it, causing him to go flying into the refrigerator in  
the kitchen. she grabbed a hand towel and tried to cover herself as she ran upstairs  
screaming.  
"Nice ass," said Yamcha.  
"Yea," agreed Krillin.  
"I'm hungry," Gohan chirped.  
Goku rushed back into the bathroom and slammed the door. Gohan skipped gayly into the  
kitchen to fix himself a sandwich. Krillin peered hesitantly out the window, searching the  
vast, blue ocean for Tagashi, who was nowhere in sight.  
"Relax, Krillin! I already called Tien, Chouzu, Vegeta, and Piccolo over here to help fight the  
evil guy! Besides, I love using this money wasting new cellular phone which might give me  
cancer in a few years! I can even talk to people in Australia in the shower!"  
"Whatever," Krillin grunted.  
He spotted the rest of the cast coming across the ocean. Krillin ran out and greeted them.  
Vegeta automatically scowled and went over to lean against the side of the House and scorn  
the rest of the Z Warriors. Piccolo went straight to Gohan, being the gay freak he is. Tien  
tried to lose Chouzu, who was following him everywhere.  
"Glad to see you guys! We have a major crisis!" exclaimed Krillin.  
"Yes. You suck. So says the Prince of all Saiyajins," scorned Vegeta.  
"I mean other than that."  
"Well, what is it?" asked Tien, pulling Chouzu off his leg.  
"Apparently a mad alien named Tagashi has come from a far and distant planet across the  
stars to devour our rotting corpses and then screw our women till the cows come  
home(funny metaphor)," recapped Yamcha.  
"Oh."  
  
After an hour or so, Tagashi hadn't revealed himself. Goku had finished peeing, and Bulma  
had put some clothes on. Vegeta was scorning even more rapidly due to boredom.  
"Where the hell is he?" asked Krillin angrily. His bald head was now red with frustration.  
(Note: Goku is now wearing battle Gi)  
Goku stood up and pointed outside. "Look," he said.  
The others all turned and dashed outside as Tagashi smashed into the sand and began  
approaching the Z Warriors and Bulma.  
"Well, after you three wusses ran off, it took me a while to track you down. But now that I  
have, I'll kill you all and screw your women!! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!"  
"Not the women!" cried Muten Roshi.  
"Not the women!" cried Yamcha.  
"Not Gohan!" cried Piccolo.  
Tagashi fired a blast of energy at the Z Warriors. Goku knocked it away. "Don't worry," he  
said. "I'll fight him."  
"Go ahead, Goku. I'm in no hurry to die," spouted Krillin, slowly backing away.  
Goku stepped up to Tagashi. "Now we tangle." Goku powered up to his Super Saiyajin form.  
The two charged each other and began fighting in that really quick style they fight with so  
much. Tagashi hit Goku with some devastating punches, and Goku hit Tien with some  
devastating girly-slaps.  
"Dammit, Goku! You're supposed to be fighting Tagashi!" explained Tien.  
"Oh yea."  
Goku flew up to Tagashi and hit him with a kamehameha. Tagashi went flying up into the air.  
"Now I'll use the Spirit Bomb(r) to dispel this alien! I call upon the forest, the cows, the birds  
and the bees . . ."  
Suddenly, Tagashi launched himself into Goku, ramming the monkey-boy into the sand.  
Then he picked him up and flew into the air, where Tagashi slapped him around. After Goku  
came back to his senses, the two kept fighting.  
Vegeta sneered.  
Tien coughed.  
Bulma yelped as Roshi pinched her ass.  
Chouzu clung to Tien in fear.  
Krillin sprayed some polish on his head.  
Gohan had a sandwich.  
Piccolo casually put his arm around Gohan.  
Goku yelled and charged at Tagashi with the speed of a really, really fast thing. Tagashi,  
expecting such a lowbrow move from such a lowbrow man, moved to the left and grabbed  
hold of Goku's Gi. A huge rip echoed as Goku's Gi ripped off his body, leaving him hovering  
over his friends and family completely naked. He blushed. Tagashi laughed.  
Bulma chuckled. "I guess ALL of your hair turns yellow when you go Super Saiyajin, eh  
Goku?" she said impishly. Piccolo watched intensely.  
Goku grabbed his Gi and pulled it back on, turning to Tagashi in a fit of embarrassment and  
rage. He shouted.  
"KA-ME-HA-ME-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
A huge ball of energy flew at Tagashi. He smiled and flicked it off into the country, probably  
offing a town or something. Then he proceded to rip off Goku's head and beat it against a  
boulder. He hurled the decapitated corpes into the ocean and stepped on the head, crushing  
it.  
"GOKU!!" yelled Krillin.  
"CHOUZUUUUUUU!!!!!!" yelled Tien.  
"What?"  
"Oh, nothing."  
Vegeta walked over and scowled at the other Z Warriors. "You weaklings! Must I, the Prince  
of all Saiyajins, do everything myself? I must say that I, the Prince of all Saiyajins, am very  
dissapointed that you fools have such low power levels! But then again, it's always up to the  
Prince of all Saiyajins anyway!"  
He strolled over to Tagashi. Tagashi laughed at the Prince of all Saiyajins. Vegeta snapped his  
fingers. Tagashi screamed and was engulfed in a ball of blue energy and blow to smitherines.  
"Wow. You could have done that all along?" asked Krillin.  
"Of course. Never doubt the Prince of all Saiyajins."  
"Well, now we've got to gather the DragonBalls and wish back Goku," exclaimed Krillin.  
"Before you do, think about this," said Vegeta. "Goku has been nothing but trouble since we  
met him. It's because of him being here that Nappa and I came to Earth in the first place.  
That also was the reason Frieza went in search of the DragonBalls on planet Namek. Also,  
the Androids were created to kill Goku, and lastly, Frieza, King Cold, and Kooler came to  
Earth because of Goku! Think about this. Do you really want a fool like Goku returning and  
innevitably causing more trouble on Earth?"  
"Hmmmmmm . . . . ." thought all the Z Warriors and Bulma.  
"All who wish to let Goku stay in the next dimension, speak now," said Vegeta.  
"Go ahead," said Bulma.  
"Sure," said Piccolo, who was casually holding Gohan's hand.  
"Whatever. Where are my chips?" said Yamcha.  
"Okay," said Roshi.  
"Fine," agreed Tien.  
"Okay," said Tagashi.  
"Allright with me," said Chouzu.  
"Yea!" said Gohan, finishing his sandwich.  
"And obviously I don't want him back, so it's settled. Goku remains dead and we never see  
his ugly mug again," said Vegeta with delight.  
  
So the Z Warriors and Bulma didn't wish back Goku and they all lived happily ever after.  
Except for Gohan, who fell into depression due to lack of a father and eventually ended up  
sharing a one room apartment with Piccolo. Like I said everyone except for Gohan got his or  
her wish.  
  
Final Note: For you idiots, Tagashi was dead, I just added him in at the voting for comedy.  
Anyhow, if you liked the story, review. If you didn't, I don't give a shit about your opinion.  
So, look me up and sample my other stories. I'm Griever. Till next time, goodbye. 


End file.
